


just like gold

by General_Syndulla



Category: The Goldfinch (2019)
Genre: Childhood Sweethearts, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-10-27 06:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20755532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/General_Syndulla/pseuds/General_Syndulla
Summary: oh, i'm sorry i'm late, but i started to wait, and discovered i'd lost my shoes. the gold in my excuse, is only there for you.Theo and Boris's life together post-credits. Told through a series of snapshots of nights lying in bed together.





	just like gold

_i show you jewels you’ve seen a thousand times, and then i tell you that those jewels were never mine. . . ._

_the first night_

Every detail in Theo’s life had a very suddenly dreamlike quality when Boris was around. It had been that way even when they were children, back in the Nevada desert. Of course back then, everything in Theo’s life was more like a nightmare. The dreamy part had always been Boris. Theo had a passing thought that it might always be in the future, too.

The other man seemed to turn everything he touched into gold. Limitless luck, boundless charisma, unrelenting personality and determination. Boris was all the little things Theo wanted to be, could be sometimes, but not at the constant and frenetic pace Boris was. Those little things added up to one very interesting, at times mysterious, person.

Now lying here with him felt like the dream was real. But of course, _it was_. Boris was lying right next to him, his breaths soft and gentle as his bared chest rose and fell in the moonlight. Theo watched him with an almost dazed expression on his face. He couldn’t believe they had found their way back together. That this beautiful person, who had done so much for him, had continued to do so much for him when much of his life felt meaningless, was back in his arms. The hotel room Boris had rented out was lavish and exquisite, yet somehow Boris was more beautiful than the silken bedsheets and hanging tapestries.

Boris always seemed to come into Theo’s life right when Theo needed someone like him the most. At his absolute bottom, when things seemed to be the very worst they had been in some time, maybe ever, Boris had been there twice to sweep him up and carry him back to the top. He tentatively reached out his hand, stroking soft fingertips across his soft face. Boris was a treasure. Theo’s very own treasure.

Theo had once been told if you love something, to let it go, and if it comes back to you it was meant to be.

He supposed then, that this was meant to be. With that thought, Theo rolled over and nestled into Boris’s side.

_the third night_

His thoughts had wandered back to Nevada. He wasn’t sure what exactly triggered it, an offhand comment over dinner or maybe the simple fact that they were back together again. Maybe it was the feeling of being cuddled together listening to music earlier, half-drunk, like a snapshot from their shared past.

But there Theo was, lying awake as usual, except this time next to the person he cared for more than anything in the world. In retrospect, his childhood was a rather terrible one. He supposed he had known that at the time, but through an adult’s eyes it became so much more vivid. Boris and Pippa had been the only bright things that stood out in the hazy, muddy memories. And what bright things they were. Being able to be with Boris so openly now felt good. Natural and right. He wondered if he had stayed in Nevada if they would have wound up being official like this.

They had shared just so much in their time together in Las Vegas. Kindred spirits. Theo had never been sure he understood the term until he thought about him and Boris together. They just _got_ each other. They didn’t have to say it out loud to understand. Beyond the similarities in their families, they were both something of outsiders. Theo hadn’t always been of course, but he certainly was when he met Boris.

Both men were perhaps more worldly than the average person, though for entirely different reasons of course. Boris had globetrotted with his father, had experienced a hard life of neglect and crime into adulthood. Theo had been born luckier, traveling with his socialite parents and being cared for and loved very much at least until his mother had been killed. Boris had spoken of his own mother in the past. Theo vaguely wondered if he remembered her at all, and if fondly at that. He had spoken of her in a rather blasé tone. But then, Boris had a tendency to speak that way about most things.

It wasn’t entirely Boris’s fault that Theo had a mild addiction to numbing his emotional pain, though their drug and vodka-fueled adventures together certainly couldn’t have done his habits much help. But even now, Theo wouldn’t go back and do any of it over again. Those days had been hard, sure, they had been some of the lowest points of his life, but Boris had been exactly the medicine he needed.

Theo barely had to squint to see Boris in the dark, the way so few of his freckles had survived his adulthood. Theo had been fond of them as a child, liked to count them with his fingertips and small kisses, dusted across his hollow cheekbones and his nose. It always made Boris laugh. Theo would have to test to see if it still did. Though he was now taller than Boris, his personality made him feel larger than life. It always had. He still had a mischievous look plastered on his face most times, his rough accent still teasing when he called Theo “Potter”, the way Boris would anger so quickly, it was all the same as Theo remembered.

As he drifted off to sleep, Theo wondered if Boris still got giggly when he got too drunk.

_the tenth night_

In his arms like this, Theo could almost forget the pains in his life. His gentle arms wrapped tight around him, thin but so strong, harkened back to his sleepless nights with Boris as a teen. He nestled himself back into his chest, earning a muffled humming from the other man. The sound vibrated against his shoulder and Theo couldn’t help a smile creeping across his face. He hadn’t had nightmares in some time now, something in his mind had finally run them off for the most part, but he couldn’t help feeling they might not be so bad to have now.

Theo raised his hands to gently hold them over Boris’s, clasped firmly over Theo’s middle. During times like this, Theo’s life still didn’t feel entirely real. If he had known even months before tonight that he would be back in Boris’s arms, like nothing between them had ever really changed, he’s not sure he would have believed it. Theo felt like he had spent so much time wishing for just this moment that he had to pinch himself to make sure it _wasn’t_ just another daydream. There had been periods in his life where he had thought of Boris almost constantly. Nights like this, where he had lay awake as he often did, except alone in his bed or with someone who didn’t love him. Not like Boris did, anyway.

Always alone with his thoughts. Theo had felt alone through much of the last half of his life. He wondered vaguely if the next half would feel as lonely, blinking down at the slender arms snaked around his ribs. Perhaps not.

The lights outside reflected off their hotel window, bounced across the cracked striped wallpaper. Theo let the passing headlights of cars lull him, his eyes closing and fluttering as he let sleep take him at last.

_the thirty-first night_

Like this, Theo almost looked peaceful. He always had a crease in his brow, even when they had been children Boris had noticed it. Always looking worried, always looking so lost in thought. He knew now that Theo was as bad a sleeper as he had been years before. Nearly every night together, the other man had spent tossing and turning in his bed. He had woken Boris up, he being a light sleeper because he simply had to be much of his life, to survive. Each time he had wrapped his arms around Theo, murmuring sweet nothings in a mix of languages into Theo’s neck. Each time Theo had soon calmed, quickly falling into a deepened sleep.

Boris was sure Theo hadn’t understood as kids, crammed onto the tiny mattress on his floor, but he was curious if he understood some of his words now. Theo had mentioned studying Russian at least in college. Was it more comforting now that he properly understood?

Boris loved all the little things about Theo he had remembered, kept close to his heart for so many years.

The way he liked to wear round and rather elegant-looking glasses. The way his nose crinkled slightly when he was laughing. The quiet murmur of his voice. The way Theo seemed to carefully regard him, like he was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Like he was one of the prized antiques in Theo’s shop. Boris was used to being the center of others’ attention, positive or otherwise, but when Theo looked at him like that, Boris’s heart fluttered.

It had always been that way. Boris pushed, and Theo pushed back. Until one gave, and it was usually Boris anyway. He had always done whatever Theo wanted him to. Always wanted to make him happy, chase away his tears, his fears, anything to see him smile. Theo’s smile had always been the best drug of all, and Boris had found this to still be true.

Boris resolved that he simply had to hold Theo as they fell asleep each night. Maybe it was still the only thing that worked. He rested his cheek in the crook of Theo’s neck and let sleep take him now, too.

_the forty-third night_

Sleep had come unusually easy to Theo after having a bit of drunken fun together. Boris was right in what he’d assumed before… Theo did sleep much easier if Boris had his arms around him, but a little bit of sex didn’t hurt either. Boris loved to learn what made Theo excited, what made his back arch, and made him shiver so delightfully delicately. What made the storm in the other man calm, what Boris could do to help him just relax that didn’t involve pills or drinks or tabs.

The great part about their time spent apart was that it was just long enough. Both of them having grown up just enough so that they were familiar and close to each other, but strangers enough that exploring Theo was like exploring an entirely new person altogether. Boris found it exhilarating. Unlike being with any other person. He found himself craving it. Boris felt like parts of Theo were still locked away, like a puzzle for him to figure out. Still other parts of him seemed exactly the same, while others were tempered with age and experience, brand new to him.

Theo slept soundly against his chest now, Boris tangling his fingers through the chestnut brown locks, wavy and catching on his fingertips. _Another piece of the puzzle_, Boris thought to himself as he let his own eyelids slowly flutter closed.

_the sixty-fourth night_

Theo was lying awake yet another night. It had been only a few months since he had reunited properly with Boris, and every day felt exceptionally lovely. But something had been nagging at Theo for nearly a month now. This always seemed to happen to him, perhaps because the brunt of his life had been spent waiting for the other shoe to drop. Every time his life hit a particularly nice high, it seemed to come crashing down especially hard. Right now, simply being back with Boris was enough to put him higher than he’d been in over a decade. So when and where was the crash going to take place?

Maybe Boris would get fed up with his worrying and his quiet life. Maybe he was too boring for him. Or maybe Boris was toying with him. No, Boris wouldn’t do that. Theo was sure of it.

But others had. Pippa had been honest enough with him, but Kitsy had led him on that exact way. And Theo knew from Boris’s own admissions that he himself was no stranger to messing around with others if it suited him. So what if it did this time?

Theo wasn’t sure he could take the heartbreak of it. What if a year from now, they were apart again? Who would swoop in and pick him up from the bottom, if it was Boris who put him there in the first place? But Theo had to stop himself. He was getting too far ahead. For all he knew, he and Boris could grow old together. Maybe have kids. Find success together, no matter how big or small. A house in the Swedish countryside, or even a simple brownstone back in the city. _Don’t focus so much on the negative._ That was what his therapist had told him, anyway.

Theo forced his eyes shut with a furrowing of his brow, taking a deep breath in and then out. Calming thoughts. A forest of quiet rustling leaves, birds flitting overhead.

He suddenly felt Boris’s arms smoothing his chest, wrapping around him, quiet Polish rumblings mumbled into Theo’s neck. His heartrate instantly slowed. He was safe here. He chased the thoughts from his mind, or maybe it was Boris’s sleepy voice chasing them away. 

Theo slept hard through the night.

_the three hundredth night_

It couldn’t have lasted forever. Boris wouldn’t have expected it to. His life of crime, always running, always looking over his shoulder. He had seen other people in the business, twice his age. The way it had aged them especially roughly, the way it had ruined families, lives built on the blood and backs of others. _”You were born into it, but that doesn’t mean that it’s your destiny”_. Theo’s words to him that day had struck something deep and longing in him.

A sense of normalcy, perhaps.

He had asked Boris to partner up with him running the antiques store. Theo had an eye for antiques. Trained by one of the very best. Boris was good with running the numbers, charming potential and familiar customers alike, had a natural knack for being in charge of such things. The match-up was perfect, and Hobie had personally given Theo his blessing. He was getting on in years now and times had been hard on him since Welty’s untimely death anyway. Hobie was more than happy to pass it on to his very own protégé.

For once, it was Boris’s turn to stay awake much past an appropriate hour. A career change like this was something Boris had never known. He had lived by the skin of his teeth for so long he wasn’t sure what that was like, exactly. To stay in one place. To set up roots. The thought scared him, though he was woe to admit it, even privately to himself. Living on the run was easy. Easier than most realized.

Settling down in one place for too long. That was difficult for Boris. He had never known that.

Theo turned over and rested into his side. Boris knew then that there was only one answer. A small smile played on his lips as he closed his eyes.

_the four hundred-ninety-second night_

Theo had pushed Boris too far.

Boris had said some regretful things.

They lay in the bed with their backs to each other, stewing. It was nowhere near their first fight. Both were certain it wouldn’t be their last, either. Boris ran too hot, and Theo ran too cold. They were bound to clash at least some of the time.

They both slept fitfully. But when Theo woke early the next morning, he had found himself wound in Boris’s arms, Boris’s face tucked into his messy bedhead.

_the five hundred-forty-fourth night_

Both thought the other was asleep by now. But the truth was, neither was. Not yet, anyway.

Theo had thoughts of what a whirlwind his life had been the last year. Taking over the antiques shop from Hobie with Boris. Moving into a beautiful vintage apartment in the upper west side with Boris. Adopting their puppy together. It was incredible, and what Theo figured others would term _“domestic bliss”_. His life hadn’t known such happiness in a long time, not since his earliest childhood at least. It felt nice. Theo had lost hope some time ago that he might ever feel truly happy again, and yet here he was. Something about it made him feel triumphant.

Boris, next to him with his eyes closed but wide awake behind them, was thinking much the same thing. Theo was almost the same now, but so much happier than before. Happier even than the start of their relationship. Boris knew for certain that he himself felt better than ever. Settling down hadn’t been as scary as he had thought. Or maybe it was just that he was settling down with Theo, as opposed to anyone else. Boris hadn’t known this kind of happiness, especially not in his childhood, and certainly not in his adulthood either.

It felt good.

Boris would be completely content to spend the rest of his days just like this.

They both rolled over to face each other at the same time, and Boris grinned. It made Theo giggle and cover his mouth, and they were both falling and laughing into each other’s arms. Simple happiness and gentle loving glances.

Theo could spend forever in Boris’s arms.

Boris could spend forever holding Theo.

_the one thousand eight hundred-tenth night_

Theo rolled over into Boris’s side after he shut the lamp off. Boris hummed quietly in his chest, nestling his head against Theo’s as he stretched out on his back. Theo’s hand crept up his side to hold Boris’s hand over his chest. He gently squeezed, and Theo squeezed back. He couldn’t help the smile cracking his face, and was glad Boris didn’t seem to notice. Some days he felt like he was still a teenager with a crush.

The gold rings on their joined fingers glinted in the bright lights from the city outside the window. A familiar and comforting light.

“Good night, mllaya moyna.”

_so when you’re asking me to define that feeling for you, that’s what i’ll say: it’s there until that gold just slips away._

**Author's Note:**

> some words borrowed from aztec camera. i saw the film and enjoyed it a lot. thank you for reading.


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